Cheers to Letting Go

This Valentine’s Day, while other people will be celebrating their relationships, I’ll be celebrating the end of mine, and it feels oh-so-good.

I started this blog not only because I love writing, but because I wanted to create a safe space – a space I could call my own, so I could share details about my life – the good and bad. While that’s still my aim, it’s important to go about it the right way, and not over-share. This may be my blog, but it still is a public space.

Know your worth.

This is a phrase you’ve probably heard time and time again. However, have you taken the time to really think about it and apply it in your life? A recent experience of mine made me realise that even though this is a phrase I’ve heard and read multiple times, I haven’t been living in a way that reflects it.

Last year, I was in an abusive relationship where I was manipulated, insulted, threatened, lied to pretty much constantly, and gaslit. Despite all of that, I stayed much longer than I should’ve, and downplayed all the red flags. Experiencing that wasn’t my fault, but I can’t help but blame myself a little because I let it go on a lot longer than I should have. They say you teach people how to treat you, and to an extent, I taught my ex that treating me badly was something I’d make a small fuss about, but eventually tolerate.

Now that I don’t have to deal with that anymore, I feel as if I’ve been given another chance at life. It’s a wonderful feeling, and as much as that relationship sucked, I try to look on the bright side because it taught me a lot of things; things I may have ended up realising at a later stage and with more dire consequences.

Don’t ever rush into things. Society has us thinking that our worth is tied to having a romantic partner, and it’s a damaging mentality to carry around. Good things take time, and genuine love and trust are things that are cultivated over a significant period of time. They don’t come instantly. It’s so much better to be alone and maybe even lonely, than to be in a draining relationship. Rushing only makes you ignore things you should be paying attention to, and that’ll come back to bite you at some point. Don’t be in such a rush to fast forward to the times when you’re getting breakfast in bed and celebrating anniversaries, that you forget the importance of baby steps.

It’s easy to put someone on a pedestal when you’re smitten and make them the centre of your universe. Really try to avoid that because it clouds your judgement.

I never understood what people meant when they said other people won’t be able to love you if you don’t love yourself, until I was in a position where I was in a relationship, and didn’t love myself as much as I should’ve. If you really do love yourself, will you tolerate lie after lie and insult after insult? The answer, obviously, is no. But I did. I don’t want to put more emphasis than I have to on this, because I don’t want someone with a similar experience to read this and think, ‘it’s all my fault,’ because it isn’t. But I do want to bring attention to the fact that awareness is important in all relationships.

I was listening to a podcast by Sheneka Adams the other day, and I want to share something powerful that she said. If you can only take away one thing from this blog post, let it be this: if you can’t see it before you see it, you’ll never see it. Realise that you’re deserving of the kind of love that sweeps you off your feet, and is genuine and pure. Realise that someday, it’ll come along. And realise that if you don’t realise that, you’ll remain stuck in bad relationships and ruin your chances of that kind of love knocking at your heart’s door.

I’m not sharing this as a “hey! Latest news: I was in a toxic relationship” kind of post. I’m sharing it because, despite it being a bad experience, it taught me so many things I really needed to learn, and it helped shape me. Sometimes the best teacher is experience.

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